When I heard that Lauren was first going to start the "Donna Jean" blog, I was actually surprised we hadn't thought of it before now. I really wish I would have written more about my mom in a journal, on paper, or something so that I could go back and read it from time to time. I think the hardest part, personally, for me is that I never really saw my mom as much as I would have liked to growing up after the divorce. There were circumstances that delayed my visits with her and now looking back, I wish a lot of things would have been different for me. I know there is nothing I can do now and I try not to look back and regret things I should have done, but sometimes it is hard to do that when I miss her so very much. The main time period where I spent the most time with my mom, that I can remember, was when she lived in Williamstown and I was probably in the 7th or 8th grade. I loved living on the lake and I would go there every chance I got so that I could visit with the horses, ride jet skis, and spend time with my mom. My memory is terrible as it is, but there are vivid things I remember about being there in that house with her. There are also things I can remember from when she lived in Lexington right around the time we started to see signs of her forgetfulness. Mostly sights, sounds, and feelings are what trigger the tears and sadness for me because I remember the little things that a mother does with her daughter that strengthen the bond between them. Being the baby in the family, I didn't really have to pull her arm to do things for me. The one thing that always comes to mind no matter where I am is when I used to make her lay with me until I fell asleep at night. I would make her tickle my arm with her long nails until I was out like a light. I always used to love cuddling with her because she always smelled so good and was warm. I used to put my cold feet under her body so that they would warm up before bed. We used to call it "the oven." Little things like that make me yearn for her touch again. My sister has been a God send through this whole situation by always being there for me, like a mother would. She is able to fill me in on the gaps about my mother's life when I can't really remember the details. There are things I wish I could remember about her.
Other things that I will always remember...her laugh, her beauty, her "country" persona, her terrible sailor's mouth (wonder where I get it from), her energy, and her loveable personality. There are so many things that I wish I could ask her...tell her....Being here in Australia has made me think about all these things I wish I could show her and tell her about because she wouldn't believe I was doing it. She never really got to hear about my high school and college experiences and now I wish I could tell her how much fun I have had as a teenager/adult. This is the hardest life stage to be in without a mother to share things with. I am so glad I have a supporting family that makes me feel like I haven't lost anyone. My dad, sister, extended family and step family have made this whole process a lot easier. Even though this is not an ideal situation for anyone, I love my life and how things have turned out. I will always reflect upon the good times and know that she is always with me no matter what, I am her clone of course. I hope to blog more soon! I love you all and thanks for taking time out to read this. <3
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