Ladies and Gentleman, START YOUR ENGINES!!!!

Indianapolis Motor Speedway

A.J. Foyt, Love of Mom's life!

Today marked the 100th running of the Indianapolis 500, and I am feeling more than a little nostalgic. The 500 is one of the only things that I remember my parents doing together, and they both instilled the love of racing in me. Mom's family is all from Indiana, so racing is a way of life there. We would go up for the weekend, and Whitney and I would go to Fairland with Mamaw and Papaw, and Mom and Dad would go to the race. Fairland was where my grandparents kept their trailor, and there were always a million fun things to do. We listened to the race on the radio, fished in the lake, and drove the golf cart like maniacs! Mom and Dad always talked about the fact that if it rained, they would try to run the race in the "window". I could not fully appreciate what this meant until I went for my second 500 race, and it poured and poured down rain for two days straight. Basically, if it rains and then stops, they try to run enough laps to constitute an entire race. They bring out the jet engine fans to dry the track, and do their best to find enough of a "window" of time between showers to finish the race! Most years, my parents would come home, Mom tanned to a dark brown, Dad fried like a piece of bacon :) In later years, my parents hosted Indy 500 parties at our house. Sherri and Gary would come down, and friends and neighbors would join the festivities. Everyone would put a dollar in the pot and pull a name of a driver out of a hat. Whoever ended up with the winning driver got the pot. The first year we did this, I pulled Roberto Guerrero, and he crashed on the warmup lap before the race even started! My mom's favorite driver was A.J. Foyt, and we had this huge cardboard cutout of him that we kept in the basement and brought up for parties. He has a grandson, A.J. Foyt IV, and I always secretly cheer for him on behalf of Mom. I definitely inherited my parents' love for the sport, both actually going to the race or even watching on TV. My dad just made it home from Australia, has been up for 40 straight hours, and still watched the entire race today! I don't know that there is anything in the world that reminds me more of my parents together except maybe houseboat trips. My mom was girlie in some ways, but in a lot of ways, she was ever the tomboy. She loved racing along with all other sports, and there wasn't really anything she wouldn't watch. I think this is why Whitney and I are like the sons my dad never had!

Zoo Zoo Zoo!

So I had the pleasure this past Thursday of joining Maria and my godson Brian to see the Zoo Babies at the Cincinnati Zoo. It was amazing to see the animals with an eleven month old. It seemed like the bearcat was his favorite, but I KNOW that's because we didn't make it to the cathouse to see the wildcat! :) But speaking of the cathouse, one of my most vivid zoo memories was when my mom chaperoned a school field trip when I was about eight. Now, everyone knows that both Mom and I LOVE cats, so we couldn't wait to get to the cathouse that day. We spent time looking at the smaller residents, before moving on to the larger cats. The Cincinnati Zoo has this huge jaguar habitat that has a tree and a jungle background, and there used to be a clouded leapard and a black jaguar that inhabited it. When we got to this spot, the black jaguar was pacing back and forth right by the glass. Of course, we all had our faces up against the glass to get a better view. All of a sudden, the black jaguar let out a fierce roar and lunged at the glass! He actually swiped the glass panel with his paws, and left scratches etched on the inside! I thought my mom was going to faint. She grabbed the group of us and hearded us toward the exit. As scared as she was that day though, she loved to tell that story. Every time someone mentioned the zoo, she would regale them with the tale of the jaguar attack. It was actually something that few people would ever get to see, and it was as if we got to see the wild side of the animal kingdom that day. That black jaguar died not too terribly long ago, and I admit there were a few tears. He reminded me so much of that day with my mother, and how awed she was by him and his little tantrum. That habitat is still there in the cathouse (the above picture is the black jaguar's old roomie), although there are different cats in there now. And everytime I walk past, I look to see the scratch marks, even though I know they are long gone...

Green Thumb?

I was in Indianapolis this past weekend for my Uncle Rex's funeral services, and of course there were many times people mentioned my mother. There was quite a broad range of comments made from family and friends, and I just wanted to share some of the most meaningful here. Most of the relatives that remain in the Lawrence family are Mom's cousins, and I had the opportunity to speak with several of them this weekend. Patty, affectionately known to most as "Zeke" and her daughter were telling me they remember how beautiful Mom was, with her long blond hair. They all talked about how funny she was, and they were all so devastated to hear about her current condition. I spoke with a good friend of her family and one of her former teachers, Pat Crafton, and she has a daughter named Donna, after my mother. What a compliment that was! Pat recalled how much my mother loved the Craftons' cats, and said she was not at all surprised that the apple didn't fall too far from the tree (i.e. I=Crazy Cat Lady :))



Perhaps the most intriguing comment came from my "Aunt" Sherri, though. She and I were discussing their gorgeous landscaping, and she mentioned that Mom had quite the green thumb and she was "SO good with plants". Now, I thought this was hilarious at the time, but thinking about it now, it is so true! We never had a houseplant casualty at any of the houses that I can remember. She had such a large number of plants in Williamstown that my cat thought it was a jungle, and we dubbed it "Vietnam". I remember Mom spending countless hours gardening at the old house, pulling weeds and planting annuals. Her azeleas were the envy of Edgwood, and the Magnolia tree in the front is something I would have loved to take with me to the new house. I loved to go help Mom pull weeds and put out the beetle catchers to capture the Japanese Beetles that threatened her beloved Japanese Maple Tree. I don't know how this green thumb detail escaped my attention when it seems so obvious now. Unfortunately though, this quality seems to have skipped a generation with me! Maybe I will buy Whitney a plant as a homecoming gift and see if she inherited the green thumb gene :)

I Want To Be Like Her

When I heard that Lauren was first going to start the "Donna Jean" blog, I was actually surprised we hadn't thought of it before now. I really wish I would have written more about my mom in a journal, on paper, or something so that I could go back and read it from time to time. I think the hardest part, personally, for me is that I never really saw my mom as much as I would have liked to growing up after the divorce. There were circumstances that delayed my visits with her and now looking back, I wish a lot of things would have been different for me. I know there is nothing I can do now and I try not to look back and regret things I should have done, but sometimes it is hard to do that when I miss her so very much.

The main time period where I spent the most time with my mom, that I can remember, was when she lived in Williamstown and I was probably in the 7th or 8th grade. I loved living on the lake and I would go there every chance I got so that I could visit with the horses, ride jet skis, and spend time with my mom. My memory is terrible as it is, but there are vivid things I remember about being there in that house with her. There are also things I can remember from when she lived in Lexington right around the time we started to see signs of her forgetfulness. Mostly sights, sounds, and feelings are what trigger the tears and sadness for me because I remember the little things that a mother does with her daughter that strengthen the bond between them. Being the baby in the family, I didn't really have to pull her arm to do things for me. The one thing that always comes to mind no matter where I am is when I used to make her lay with me until I fell asleep at night. I would make her tickle my arm with her long nails until I was out like a light. I always used to love cuddling with her because she always smelled so good and was warm. I used to put my cold feet under her body so that they would warm up before bed. We used to call it "the oven." Little things like that make me yearn for her touch again. My sister has been a God send through this whole situation by always being there for me, like a mother would. She is able to fill me in on the gaps about my mother's life when I can't really remember the details. There are things I wish I could remember about her.

Other things that I will always remember...her laugh, her beauty, her "country" persona, her terrible sailor's mouth (wonder where I get it from), her energy, and her loveable personality. There are so many things that I wish I could ask her...tell her....Being here in Australia has made me think about all these things I wish I could show her and tell her about because she wouldn't believe I was doing it. She never really got to hear about my high school and college experiences and now I wish I could tell her how much fun I have had as a teenager/adult. This is the hardest life stage to be in without a mother to share things with. I am so glad I have a supporting family that makes me feel like I haven't lost anyone. My dad, sister, extended family and step family have made this whole process a lot easier. Even though this is not an ideal situation for anyone, I love my life and how things have turned out. I will always reflect upon the good times and know that she is always with me no matter what, I am her clone of course. I hope to blog more soon! I love you all and thanks for taking time out to read this. <3

Brotherly Love

This day may mark the most shocking and difficult 24 hours of my life. Mom's brother Rex passed away very unexpectedly and suddenly yesterday. I haven't even fully processed what that means at this point. I have mentally prepared myself for things like grandparents passing, and even started the journey to letting Mom go, but this is not the way things were supposed to happen. Mom was not supposed to outlive her younger brother. They should have both grown old and shared stories of their childhood memories and given each other hard times in their golden years. The blessing here is that neither has to realize the other's passing. Mom will never know what happened, and Rex will not have to deal with the inevitable end to Mom's awful ordeal. Thank God he didn't suffer the way that she has, and I know that he will never suffer another second where he is now...

Even through my tears, I am reminded of more light-hearted times with Rex. Now, Rex and Mom shared a rocky relationship at time, but when it came down to it, there is nothing they wouldn't have done for each other. And there were certain things they particularly enjoyed when they were together. Mom thought Rex was hilarious (nobody could argue with that), and she especially loved the joke about cripple and the hairlip brothers. I have never seen my mom laugh so hard in her life, and Rex could hardly get to the end before they were both rolling with laughter. Of course, Rex teased Mom relentlessly for things like being a "blonde" and how loudly she laughed, especially around Sherri! I remember countless nights of begging to play euchre, and knowing that really the game was between my mom and Rex. I know that there a lot of things Rex and Mom didn't agree on, but I honestly can't remember any times when they didn't appreciate each other's company completely.

Another thing that I have been thinking a lot about and something Rex and Mom shared was a love of cats. Here was this man who may have appeared scary to some people who didn't know him who inherited his mother's love for felines! I remember him telling stories of my mom's evil cat Jay that didn't like anyone, and Rex was no exception. However, Jay did seem to love him on two occasions: when he was in the shower and when he was ready for work. Rex once told me that Jay loved to sit on the side of the tub while he was taking a shower. Well, Jay happened to get unlucky once, and he fell in! Rex said Jay scratched him up one leg and down the other trying to get out of there fast enough! Sounds like my Bella cat who likes to lick the shower curtain during showers. Rex also said Jay loved to rub up against his ankles when he had just put on his dress pants for work. Isn't that just like a cat? But the one cat closest to Rex's heart was the invincible Charlie. That cat used nine lives and then some, and he always love Rex the most. That was Rex's baby, and the cat even slept next to him. I really regret the fact that Rex never met my Siamese babies, because I know that he would have loved them. I think he would have appreciated the similarities between my blue point, Blue Lou, and Jay, but also the differences. Cats were one thing I know Rex loved talking to me about because it was a common love of his, mine and Mom's.

Now as much as they actually did have in common (not like you could have ever told either one of them that), there were distinct differences. Unlike Mom, Rex was one of those people that seemed extraordinarily intimidating until you got to know him (and even then sometimes, which Mom loved to beat him up over!) But underneath that exterior was a heart that was ten times normal size. It seems that the "Mutant Lawrence Gene" was good for not only making us all a bit uh, difficult to get along with, but also made our family members unique in some beautiful ways. Rex, Mom, and even Mamaw and Papaw never knew any strangers, and they would have given anybody the shirt off their own back if that if someone needed it more than they did. They touched so many people's lives, and nobody will ever forget the generosity and the value that Rex added to each person lucky enough to have known him. He was my godfather and no matter how infrequently I saw him because of the travel factor, he always sent me a birthday card and Christmas card every single year. In fact, the very last thing I got was just last week on my birthday which simply said "We don't see you often but we love you always". This is how I will always remember the bear of a man that I am lucky enough to have known as Uncle Rex...

Mom Made Over

I am sure that by now everyone has also been following Whit's Australian Adventure blog. Over the last couple of years, Whitney has had quite the life, jetting off to Jamaica, Australia, and New Zealand all in the name of "school"! Normally, I would be the one taking the credit for "raising her right" and the fact that she is turning into this incredibly independent and amazing young woman. But the more I see, the more I am reminded of Mom. Sometimes, it's just a mannerism and sometimes it's a picture. I just know that every single day, she gets to be more like the parts of our mom that I would love to hold onto forever.

Our mom never knew a stranger in her life. She would walk up to a random person in a store, and give them a compliment and strike up a conversation. I remember when she would go to AA meetings in Over the Rhine, because she "liked the people there", even though Dad expressed his concerns over this on multiple occasions. But Mom never got scared in any situation (maybe she should have been sometimes), because she had this confidence about her and the belief that every person deserved a chance. Whitney has this same confidence and is ever the social butterfly. As everyone knows, she was never a shy child, and I think most of my childhood friends came over to see her more than me! Whitney has Mom's ability to draw people to her and make them her friends. I think it takes a special kind of person to move all the way to the coast, away from family and friends to pursue her dreams. Furthermore, the adventures she has experienced are definitely intimidating to most, but Whit takes everything in stride. A part of me envys both our mom Whitney for always being who they want to be, even if that wasn't popular or the social norm.

Mom would have been so jealous that Whitney spends so much time at the beach! She quite the sun goddess herself, and was never more at home that laying out in the sun by the pool or the ocean. Even when Mom got sick, her caretaker Tammy took her to the beach in Florida. Tammy said that when Mom felt the sand under her feet, she took off for the ocean! I am sure this surprises none of us! This love for all things sun and sand seems to be biologically imprinted on Whitney's DNA as well. With a major of marine science, she has developed related passions for scubadiving and marine research. Whitney is a free spirit, just like Mom, and she goes where life takes her.

Of course, in addition to all of the amazing internal qualities, Whitney shares our mom's physical beauty and grace. Sometimes, I look at Whitney as all I can see is Mom. From the easy smile to the sparkling (and sometimes mischievous) eyes, Whitney is Mom made over. Mom had model good looks, with her blond hair and tanned skin, and people definitely took notice when she walked into a room. Whitney has that something that make you take notice, and everyone wants to be her, be with her, or be her friend. But what a rarity to find two such beautiful women that have brains and opinions and tons of personality!

I know Whitney doesn't remember that much about the good times with Mom, and I just wanted her to know that there were a lot of amazing qualities about her that everyone loved. There was this light inside her that touched every single person she met, and Whitney has that too. I know that I am a lot like my mom in a lot of ways, too. But I think I will save that for a later time.

You Ain't Nothin' But a Houndog!

As my little "sighthound" kept me awake last night jumping at every noise and walking around on my bed trying to settle in, I thought I would dedicate this post to the "cunning and manipulative" hounds that stole my mom's heart... Anyone who has known my mom for the last decade or so knows that my mom had three furry, four-legged children that I think she loved as much as Whitney and me! Cannon, Hilda and Q were the greyhound loves of Mom's life, and they brought her so much joy over the years they were with her. Mom had talked about adopting a greyhound for as long as I can remember. But it was still a shock when she showed up at Dad's to pick me up to go to Lexington, and from the back seat lumbers a gentle brindle giant! It was love at first sight, and I don't think I had ever seen my mom look happier. And the light in her eyes still shone when Cannon walked into my dad's house and promptly peed on the wall!

Over the next couple of years, she adopted two more hounds, Hilde the timed and Q idiot king. Don't get me wrong, Q was the great love of MY life, but he was, in my mom's words, "dumber than a box of rocks"! Even though Cannon was always my mom's baby, "Big" or "Kiki" as she often called him, I think Hilde came in a close second. She was adorable, and she had those eyes that made it impossible to be mad at her. I can still hear my mom in her high pitched "dog" voice saying "Oh, you little Baby Heel. She just a Baby Heel, and she just a Baby Heel". Hmmm...I AM turning into my mother! And oh, how I loved to make them howl! You could get Cannon going, and the others picked right up, and Mom and I would be laughing so hard we were crying! Q and Hilde quickly learned that the bed was the only place fit for them to sleep, and Cannon always slept loyally by my mom's side on the floor. They made me feel safe when I watched the house while Mom was out of town. But Mom could never be gone too long because she always had to go home and "take care of the dogs", which drove a lot of people crazy! But they were her life, especially when she lived in Williamstown. When Mom finally joined the 21st Century and got email, her email and screenname were DJ3hounds. The hounds were her friends, her family, her confidantes, her entertainment and her protection. They were spoiled incessantly, and rightly so after the awful lives they endured at the track. I am just greatful that Mom never had to see them deteriorate because of her own health concerns, so hopefully she will always remember them as they were back then. And I know that she would have fallen hard for my little Ruby, because she is a perfect mix of all three of the original pack. So here's to the hounds that made my mom's last few good years ones filled with wet noses, muddy paws and incredible companionship.