One thing I can say with certainty...

I went out with a good friend from highschool last night, and we spent some time catching up about life and love and the pursuit of happiness. One thing leads to another and he asks me "How is the situation with your mom?". So I told him and we talked about how heartbreaking it is, and how many people we know and love are getting sick so early in their lives. Then he turns to me and asks "Were there any warning signs before she really started getting sick?". I told him that what I thought were early red flags, things I noticed long before the official diagnosis. I added though, that it would have been hard to pin any of that down because of the alcohol complicating things. He went stone-faced and said "That's what I thought. I have started noticing those things about my dad, he drinks and his grandfather had Alzheimer's." He went on to say that no matter how much his dad had messed up because of his drinking, he would be devastated if anything like that ever happened to him. He said he was trying to build memories with his parents now, no matter the situation, because eventually they will be gone. I thought about this for a moment, and I told him that my mom had made A LOT of mistakes over the years as well, largely due to the drinking. But I swear one thing I can say with certainty is that she still somehow managed to be an amazing mom.

She still showed up for every single dance recital, every game, every graduation (before the dementia symptoms got too severe), and even my wedding. I can never remember a single important event where she wasn't present if it was humanly possible for her to be there. Mom even came to my National Honor Society induction ceremony when many other students' parents did not. She loved being there for us, for every moment, and it started with her being a stay-at-home mom. I know it must have driven her out of her mind sometimes, being in the house all day, but she SO enjoyed Whitney and me with every breath she took. As many negative memories as I have and as much animosity I have harbored over the years about it, I could never say that my mom wasn't one of the best there ever was or will be. My sister and I have turned out to be smart, focused, driven, upstanding, strong, confident and independent women and I credit that 110% to the way that we were raised. Our parents may not have always gotten along with each other, and they both had their flaws, but I would love to raise my kids exactly as they did. I will never understand how someone who could hardly take care of herself could raise two children, and also make some heart-wrenching decisions and sacrifices for them. So, thank you, Mom. I would never trade a single second, and I would choose her as my mom 100 out of 100 times.