C-A-T-S, Cats! Cats! Cats!

Following Kentucky's loss to Tennessee in men's NCAA basketball last weekend, I was completely depressed and swore I would never recover. I was so sick over it, I turned it off and shushed everyone who mentioned it in my presence. My mother, however, would have probably drawn the curtains and worn black for a week! She once actually CRIED when UK lost to Indiana! Seriously though, no one bled bluer than Mom. She had so much Kentucky gear, and I actually still have a couple of her shirts. She watched every game, win or lose.

The funniest part of this whole love affair with UK is that she isn't even from Kentucky! But you could never tell her that. She was a horse person through and through, and she was the biggest UK fan I have ever known. It was like she should have been from Kentucky. I remember countless battles between my mom and her mother because Mamaw was a die-hard Indiana fan. She loved Bob Knight, and he could do no wrong. How did her only daughter end up being a traitor?! On top of all this, Mom endured many a Kentucky joke from Uncle Rex.

The first UK basketball game I ever attended was an exhibition game at Riverfront Coliseum in Cincinnati. It was just the two of us, and I was SO excited. There was this guy who kept standing up and doing the C-A-T-S Cats, Cats, Cats! cheer. Mom got right up with him and did it every time! We had so much fun, and I still think of that every time I go to a game. And I scream and yell at the TV just like she did!

Mom was in love with Rick Pitino, and was devastated when he left to go back to the NBA. But she was still pretty excited when we were at a cafe on campus and in walked the current coach, Tubby Smith! I thought she was going to fall over! She had her favorite players like Jamal Mashburn and Derrick Anderson. I wish she would have known that I dated a guy who used to play with Derrick! I have been a UK fan since I came out of the womb, and I even ended up going there for college which only further solidified my fanaticism! My mom is the person responsible for all of that. C-A-T-S, Cats! Cats! Cats!

My Best Friend

I moved into a new place two weekends ago, and I have been overcome with emotions over it. I am officially on my own now, and I feel more like an adult than I ever have before. Of course, one major stress I had was finding a place I could bring my animals. Luckily, I found somewhere that I not only got to bring them, but didn't have to pay extra! So I was lying on the couch today with my doggie Ruby lying right on me. I looked around my new place, and I looked at her, and I told her" Ruby, you are my best friend." And this, of all things, really struck a sensitive nerve. Mom used to say this to her greyhounds all the time. I always thought it was silly or weird because I never understood. But Mom was by herself for a while, and even when she was around people, I think she tended to feel alone. Her hounds were her world, and there is NOTHING she wouldn't have done for them. They were like three four-legged children, and they acted like it too! I completely understand the feeling now. The dogs never judged her for what she did, never argued with her, never lied to her, and never left her. They loved her, listened to her, and most of all they needed her. I now know why she was always anxious when she had to leave them, and in a big hurry to get home to them. Ruby is glued to me pretty much all the time, and I tell her all the time how much "Grammy D" would have loved her. She appears to be a greyhound mix, which is really random but highly appropriate. I think she is even more special to me because of the connection with my mom.

MEMORY WALK 2009!

Ashley, Mike, and I with the Charleston River Dog!



I can't wait to tell you all how well the Memory Walk went! I decided to participate in the walk in Charleston since it is a beautiful city and I knew a lot of people would come out to support the cause! Everyone that came donated so much money to the Alzheimer's Association and Alzheimer's research which is a great step to ending this terrible disease.

I know so many of our friends and family members have been affected by Alzheimer's and it was amazing to see how many other people there are to support you during this hard time. There were more than 400 people that participated in the walk and the total money raised was $64,000!! My team had 11 members and we raised almost $500! I was so proud of everyone that contributed to the cause since it means to so much to me and my family.

It was located at Charleston Harbour and we walked about a mile along a path around the pier passing by old naval ships and we even saw a few dolphins that were feeding in the shallows. Overall, it was a really good day. After the walk ended, we went back to the main pavilion to participate in a raffle! We were each given a walker number and at the end of the day, they called out numbers to win gifts that had been donated to send out their thanks for those who came out for the function. My friends Mike and Kent ended up being two that won!

It was an amazing day with close friends and I was so happy I was able to honor my mother at this gorgeous event :) Thank you to everyone that donated and I love you guys.

Is there anything better than a swing?

Today I spent a while at the park with Maria and Brian (aka cutest godson ever). We went down the slides and we climbed up the steps several times. When Brian ran over to the swings, I got really excited since I hadn't been on the swings in about a decade! I put him on my lap and started to go. Eventually B wanted down, and Maria took him over to the baby swings. I couldn't help but linger a while on the "big kid swings". I swung my legs and it took me higher and higher. And then randomly, I thought of Mom. This seemed like the very thing she would have enjoyed immensely. There was something free and uninhibited in swinging that I am sure my mom would have just loved. I wish I was able to remember ever being on a swing with my mom, but I confess, I am not. Mom enjoyed the simple things in life, and maybe those were the only places it was available to her. Sometimes, I know that these thoughts just come to me and it must be written on my face. People probably think I am crazy, out there on the swings just grinning ear to ear. But it is in those moments that I see Mom the most. My mother, who wasn't afraid to be the only adult on the swings, laughing all the way...

One thing I can say with certainty...

I went out with a good friend from highschool last night, and we spent some time catching up about life and love and the pursuit of happiness. One thing leads to another and he asks me "How is the situation with your mom?". So I told him and we talked about how heartbreaking it is, and how many people we know and love are getting sick so early in their lives. Then he turns to me and asks "Were there any warning signs before she really started getting sick?". I told him that what I thought were early red flags, things I noticed long before the official diagnosis. I added though, that it would have been hard to pin any of that down because of the alcohol complicating things. He went stone-faced and said "That's what I thought. I have started noticing those things about my dad, he drinks and his grandfather had Alzheimer's." He went on to say that no matter how much his dad had messed up because of his drinking, he would be devastated if anything like that ever happened to him. He said he was trying to build memories with his parents now, no matter the situation, because eventually they will be gone. I thought about this for a moment, and I told him that my mom had made A LOT of mistakes over the years as well, largely due to the drinking. But I swear one thing I can say with certainty is that she still somehow managed to be an amazing mom.

She still showed up for every single dance recital, every game, every graduation (before the dementia symptoms got too severe), and even my wedding. I can never remember a single important event where she wasn't present if it was humanly possible for her to be there. Mom even came to my National Honor Society induction ceremony when many other students' parents did not. She loved being there for us, for every moment, and it started with her being a stay-at-home mom. I know it must have driven her out of her mind sometimes, being in the house all day, but she SO enjoyed Whitney and me with every breath she took. As many negative memories as I have and as much animosity I have harbored over the years about it, I could never say that my mom wasn't one of the best there ever was or will be. My sister and I have turned out to be smart, focused, driven, upstanding, strong, confident and independent women and I credit that 110% to the way that we were raised. Our parents may not have always gotten along with each other, and they both had their flaws, but I would love to raise my kids exactly as they did. I will never understand how someone who could hardly take care of herself could raise two children, and also make some heart-wrenching decisions and sacrifices for them. So, thank you, Mom. I would never trade a single second, and I would choose her as my mom 100 out of 100 times.

Something in the Way She Moves...

This was brought on by a completely random thing that I did today. I had a piece of chocolate and it was one of those delicious ones with the melting center. I was moving it between my tongue and roof of my mouth, and the way that my face looked I imagined was a lot like Mom's when she would eat something she was savoring. When she would taste something and she was trying to figure out what flavor or spice was in it, she would mull it around in her mouth and screw up her face in concentration. This is what I imagined my face to look like with the chocolate. Often, I will catch myself doing little things like that, and I will start laughing at the idea of her doing the same. Other times, when I am being silly, I will say or do a certain thing that will trigger a memory. Today, I was playing with Ruby, and she knocked me over. I just burst into laughter, called her a little monkey, and told her "don't!"(pronounced d-ah-nt) just like my mom would have. She laughed about everything, and I can just see her horsing around with Whitney and me even in Williamstown. It's funny because the person who picked up on these little things first was Ron. He spent a lot of time with Mom, and anytime I was being silly with him or the animals, he would say "Ok, Donna!" I don't think I would have really noticed this about myself if he wouldn't have pointed it out. I am fascinated by the fact that things as subtle as a laugh or a face can actually be passed down through generations.

Fall Has Come and I Am Reminded of You

After seeing this photo of myself, I was instantly reminded of my mother. Always smiling, laughing, and enjoying the sunshine. This picture was taken by a friend while we were sailing in Charleston, SC. Now that fall has come, my favorite season, I find myself thinking about my mom and missing her more and more every day. With the stresses of school work and planning for the future, there are times when I just wish I could tell her about all of these things in my life in return for her touch and support. Personally, I know she would be proud of the things I have accomplished, but I wish I could just have the opportunity to tell her all of these wonderful things. There isn't anything like it, the connection with a mother, and the more I think about it, the more I wish I could have that with her always. Living away from home has become second nature to me, but sometimes a person yearns for family. Fall was always the time of year where we went as a family to the apple orchard and picked our own pumpkins, apples, and we even got to taste the apple fritters hot out of the frier :) That is the one thing that sticks out in my mind as a family event. It has always been my favorite time of year. I remember mom and dad helping me get ready for trick-or-treat and I felt like I always had the most creative costumes :) even though I was a witch, a clown, and Lord knows what else. To you they might sound ordinary, but I always thought they were the best. One memory that I am fond of was the time where a family friend, Patty Hudepohl, and my mother dressed up as crayons for Halloween. I think we still have the picture somewhere, and it was one of the funniest things I had ever seen.

I find myself reflecting a lot on family and I realize that I miss them very much. Moving back home after school is virtually impossible for me since my calling is near the ocean, but I promise to always keep in touch no matter what.

Mom, if you are listening, I love you very much and I want you to know that I am doing well :) I am always thinking about you and I put your high school photo on my desk so I can look at you every day. I wish you were here. I'll be seein' you.

Love,
Whitney