MEMORY WALK 2009!

Ashley, Mike, and I with the Charleston River Dog!



I can't wait to tell you all how well the Memory Walk went! I decided to participate in the walk in Charleston since it is a beautiful city and I knew a lot of people would come out to support the cause! Everyone that came donated so much money to the Alzheimer's Association and Alzheimer's research which is a great step to ending this terrible disease.

I know so many of our friends and family members have been affected by Alzheimer's and it was amazing to see how many other people there are to support you during this hard time. There were more than 400 people that participated in the walk and the total money raised was $64,000!! My team had 11 members and we raised almost $500! I was so proud of everyone that contributed to the cause since it means to so much to me and my family.

It was located at Charleston Harbour and we walked about a mile along a path around the pier passing by old naval ships and we even saw a few dolphins that were feeding in the shallows. Overall, it was a really good day. After the walk ended, we went back to the main pavilion to participate in a raffle! We were each given a walker number and at the end of the day, they called out numbers to win gifts that had been donated to send out their thanks for those who came out for the function. My friends Mike and Kent ended up being two that won!

It was an amazing day with close friends and I was so happy I was able to honor my mother at this gorgeous event :) Thank you to everyone that donated and I love you guys.

Is there anything better than a swing?

Today I spent a while at the park with Maria and Brian (aka cutest godson ever). We went down the slides and we climbed up the steps several times. When Brian ran over to the swings, I got really excited since I hadn't been on the swings in about a decade! I put him on my lap and started to go. Eventually B wanted down, and Maria took him over to the baby swings. I couldn't help but linger a while on the "big kid swings". I swung my legs and it took me higher and higher. And then randomly, I thought of Mom. This seemed like the very thing she would have enjoyed immensely. There was something free and uninhibited in swinging that I am sure my mom would have just loved. I wish I was able to remember ever being on a swing with my mom, but I confess, I am not. Mom enjoyed the simple things in life, and maybe those were the only places it was available to her. Sometimes, I know that these thoughts just come to me and it must be written on my face. People probably think I am crazy, out there on the swings just grinning ear to ear. But it is in those moments that I see Mom the most. My mother, who wasn't afraid to be the only adult on the swings, laughing all the way...

One thing I can say with certainty...

I went out with a good friend from highschool last night, and we spent some time catching up about life and love and the pursuit of happiness. One thing leads to another and he asks me "How is the situation with your mom?". So I told him and we talked about how heartbreaking it is, and how many people we know and love are getting sick so early in their lives. Then he turns to me and asks "Were there any warning signs before she really started getting sick?". I told him that what I thought were early red flags, things I noticed long before the official diagnosis. I added though, that it would have been hard to pin any of that down because of the alcohol complicating things. He went stone-faced and said "That's what I thought. I have started noticing those things about my dad, he drinks and his grandfather had Alzheimer's." He went on to say that no matter how much his dad had messed up because of his drinking, he would be devastated if anything like that ever happened to him. He said he was trying to build memories with his parents now, no matter the situation, because eventually they will be gone. I thought about this for a moment, and I told him that my mom had made A LOT of mistakes over the years as well, largely due to the drinking. But I swear one thing I can say with certainty is that she still somehow managed to be an amazing mom.

She still showed up for every single dance recital, every game, every graduation (before the dementia symptoms got too severe), and even my wedding. I can never remember a single important event where she wasn't present if it was humanly possible for her to be there. Mom even came to my National Honor Society induction ceremony when many other students' parents did not. She loved being there for us, for every moment, and it started with her being a stay-at-home mom. I know it must have driven her out of her mind sometimes, being in the house all day, but she SO enjoyed Whitney and me with every breath she took. As many negative memories as I have and as much animosity I have harbored over the years about it, I could never say that my mom wasn't one of the best there ever was or will be. My sister and I have turned out to be smart, focused, driven, upstanding, strong, confident and independent women and I credit that 110% to the way that we were raised. Our parents may not have always gotten along with each other, and they both had their flaws, but I would love to raise my kids exactly as they did. I will never understand how someone who could hardly take care of herself could raise two children, and also make some heart-wrenching decisions and sacrifices for them. So, thank you, Mom. I would never trade a single second, and I would choose her as my mom 100 out of 100 times.

Something in the Way She Moves...

This was brought on by a completely random thing that I did today. I had a piece of chocolate and it was one of those delicious ones with the melting center. I was moving it between my tongue and roof of my mouth, and the way that my face looked I imagined was a lot like Mom's when she would eat something she was savoring. When she would taste something and she was trying to figure out what flavor or spice was in it, she would mull it around in her mouth and screw up her face in concentration. This is what I imagined my face to look like with the chocolate. Often, I will catch myself doing little things like that, and I will start laughing at the idea of her doing the same. Other times, when I am being silly, I will say or do a certain thing that will trigger a memory. Today, I was playing with Ruby, and she knocked me over. I just burst into laughter, called her a little monkey, and told her "don't!"(pronounced d-ah-nt) just like my mom would have. She laughed about everything, and I can just see her horsing around with Whitney and me even in Williamstown. It's funny because the person who picked up on these little things first was Ron. He spent a lot of time with Mom, and anytime I was being silly with him or the animals, he would say "Ok, Donna!" I don't think I would have really noticed this about myself if he wouldn't have pointed it out. I am fascinated by the fact that things as subtle as a laugh or a face can actually be passed down through generations.

Fall Has Come and I Am Reminded of You

After seeing this photo of myself, I was instantly reminded of my mother. Always smiling, laughing, and enjoying the sunshine. This picture was taken by a friend while we were sailing in Charleston, SC. Now that fall has come, my favorite season, I find myself thinking about my mom and missing her more and more every day. With the stresses of school work and planning for the future, there are times when I just wish I could tell her about all of these things in my life in return for her touch and support. Personally, I know she would be proud of the things I have accomplished, but I wish I could just have the opportunity to tell her all of these wonderful things. There isn't anything like it, the connection with a mother, and the more I think about it, the more I wish I could have that with her always. Living away from home has become second nature to me, but sometimes a person yearns for family. Fall was always the time of year where we went as a family to the apple orchard and picked our own pumpkins, apples, and we even got to taste the apple fritters hot out of the frier :) That is the one thing that sticks out in my mind as a family event. It has always been my favorite time of year. I remember mom and dad helping me get ready for trick-or-treat and I felt like I always had the most creative costumes :) even though I was a witch, a clown, and Lord knows what else. To you they might sound ordinary, but I always thought they were the best. One memory that I am fond of was the time where a family friend, Patty Hudepohl, and my mother dressed up as crayons for Halloween. I think we still have the picture somewhere, and it was one of the funniest things I had ever seen.

I find myself reflecting a lot on family and I realize that I miss them very much. Moving back home after school is virtually impossible for me since my calling is near the ocean, but I promise to always keep in touch no matter what.

Mom, if you are listening, I love you very much and I want you to know that I am doing well :) I am always thinking about you and I put your high school photo on my desk so I can look at you every day. I wish you were here. I'll be seein' you.

Love,
Whitney

The Talking Dogs

I have waited a long time to post on the "Mom Blog." Too long. The reasons are simple and complicated all at the same time. Simple: Busy mother of young child with a few too many jobs. Complicated: As much as I love reading all the memories Lauren and Whit have posted about Donna, it's hard. I hate that she is the way she is. I hate that the girls have to miss out on having her around.

However, it's been long enough.

I spent enough time at the Scheffel's house growing up to acquire my own lifetime of memories of Donna. One of my favorites happened in the living room at the Royal Oak house. Yes, this was the house where the Scheffels moved after we lived backyard to backyard. The one I walked "halfway" to on many occasions. Sorry Lauren. Te he :)

Anyway, we were sitting around, Donna, me, Mom, Lauren, Whit and Nestle (PERM!). Donna started talking about what dogs would sound like if they talked. In the perfect voices she demonstrated how Nestle and our dog, Mitzi, would converse if they could. The conversation she created had Nestle hitting on Mitzi and Mitzi protesting his advances. I don't know why, but it was pee your pants hysterical. Something so simple, but it cracked all of us up for a long, long time. It still makes me laugh just to think about it.

But that's just the way Donna was. Funny. She could make anyone crack a smile. Even my Dad. But, we'll save that thought for another post.

Mitzi.
I wish I had a picture of Nestle
(or the NELL DOG, as Donna always said) too.

Mom and Music

One of the things Mom loved most was music. And not just one kind of music, but really all genres. She loved oldies music and had certain songs that she thought were funny like "Workin' in a Coal Mine" and "Chain Gang". She got Whitney and I into Elvis music, and that is why Whit used to watch Elvis movies like "Girl Happy" and "Blue Hawaii" every single day. We always had music playing in the car wherever we were going, whether it was the radio, tapes or later a CD's. She likes some music you may expect, such as Steve Winwood and Lionel Richie. We listened to "Higher Love" and "Dancing on the Ceiling" countless times, and we would always sing along. Then were the more unexpected bands she liked including Red Hot Chili Peppers, Pearl Jam and Bon Jovi. Mom thought Anthony Kiedis from the Chili Peppers was so good looking with his long hair, and she always said he looked like a Native American in the video for "Under the Bridge". I remember when she first saw the video for "Give it Away". She thought is was the strangest

Images from "Give it Away"

thing ever, but she loved the song! She told me he was wearing a "giant diaper"! But she continued to love them, and their "Californication" album became the soundtrack to our summer while we sat around the pool in Lexington. Mom also thought Jon Bon Jovi was one of the sexiest men that ever lived, and I am inclined to agree! We listened to "Wanted Dead or Alive" all the time and would sing at the top of our lungs! The last song I remember her liking was "Drops of Jupiter" by Train. She described it to me even though she didn't know the name of it, and said the guy had the greatest voice. So now everytime I hear that song, I think of her (even though I didn't like it that much originally). Music seems to have been the last thing to go with her. She stopped talking, but she could still sing all the words and hum melodies from almost any song on the radio. It was actually remarkable, and it makes me realize that music is perhaps more important that any of us even know.

Meatloaf and...Cheetos?

Whitney ordered meatloaf of all things for lunch today, and it reminded me of one of the strangest and funniest culinary things Mom ever did. Mom made meatloaf all the time, and it was something of a family favorite. She used to take her wedding ring off (which she NEVER did for any other reason EVER) and knead the meat by hand. Mom would practically gag because she hated touching any uncooked meat. I definitely inherited this paranoia from her, so it's a very good thing I am not usually the cook at my house :) One particular evening, Dad had come home from work, and we were all sitting down to dinner as usual (I don't think I ever appreciated the fact that we always ate dinner around the table until much later in life). Dad was just staring at the meatloaf, so we all very silently began looking it over as well. Dad turns to Mom and asks as gingerly as possible as to not hurt her feelings, "Are those...Cheetos on top?!" She pauses and responds a bit nervously, "Well, yeah. I couldn't think of what else to put on top." We all looked at each other and then burst into hysterical laughter. Cheetos! I don't think my mom would have ever eaten a Cheeto if you paid her a million dollars, but she sure used them as garnish that night! To this day, Dad, Whitney and I joke about remembering to put the Cheetos on top of the meal :)

Hair of Many Colors

Brunette, Bald, Blonde!

As I have just recently become a blonde (again), I thought this would be a perfect opportunity to talk about an amusing passion I shared with my mom : hair of many colors. Most people would have classified Mom as a blonde, but as some of you may know, she had her hair pretty much every color of the rainbow. Mom used to be a hair model at one point, and she talked about how they would dye her hair radical shades like purple and white! She was a brunette for most of my childhood, and had various heinous styles like perms. She started highlighting it more after Whitney came along, it just kept going lighter. I remember always going to the salon with Mom, and watching the stylist put the plastic cap on her and pull pieces through the holes. Then they would put the foul smelling solution on her hair that would render her a blonde. Later on, I became Mom's hairdresser, dying her hair every couple of months. I liked to experiment with different shades, although I think that often made her nervous! She would tell me a hundred times to make sure I got all the hairs around her face, and concentrate on the grays! That was good practice for me though, since I get bored VERY easily with my hair and I love to make changes :) I first got highlights when I was fifteen, and haven't slowed down since! My hair has been black, blonde, red and every shade in between. Every single time I color it I think of Mom. She would have an absolute fit if she knew that her hair has gone completely gray now. Ironically, Whitney has never gone lighter than her natural shade, only darker. Although, I imagine if Whitney went blonde, she would look just like Mom. Not one of the three of us could ever be accused of having boring hair! Maybe we just do it to torture my follicly challenged father... ;)

Thinking Of You, Mom

As you know, I was in Mackay last week and I had the opportunity to see so much while I was there. I just put up pictures of Kai's farm, Katee's boyfriend lives on this beautiful piece of land with horses, a cockatoo, and dogs and cats galore. It reminded me of my mom immediately. Just the atmosphere of being on a farm is intoxicating for me. I love being in the middle of nowhere with the smell of grass and horses all around you. This was always something I enjoyed in Williamstown at my mom's farm. We always used to take treats down to the horses and I would love to feel their smooth peach fuzz noses on my hand. My entire life, I have loved to be outside. Marine Science is obviously perfect for people that love the outdoors because you are always doing something outside or underwater for that matter. I consider myself to be a nature lover, tree hugger, whatever you want to call it and I believe my mom was the same way. I didn't have a problem with getting my hands dirty at the farm, I loved to help feed the horses and I would love to ride bare back, I always felt so free. I felt that my mom was really herself in Williamstown because having a place to call her own with horses, and the whole get up was always what she dreamed of. Water sports weren't really her thing because I remember gunning it on the jet ski and she about had a heart attack and kept asking me to slow down. Either way, my love of water came from both my mom and dad.

In Mackay, I really missed her a lot, being around all the things she loves so much. It made me want her there to see all the things I did, and just to be with me. In the distance, you could see the beautiful mountains surrounding everything and the wide open fields were beautiful with all the sugar cane growing. It also reminded me of Indiana in a way minus the mountains and the sugar cane (replace it with corn). I feel like being in the country will always remind me of her and I think it is going to be the hardest thing for me to cope with when she's gone. I will be flooded with memories every time I'm near a farm or country town, but it will always bring a smile to my face because I know she's glad I turned out the way I did. I can't wait to tell her about Australia. Even though she won't be able to respond, I know she will be excited right along with me and she will love to hear my stories because she always has. I love that I can share my thoughts with you all.

I'll always be thinking of you, Mom.

Overwhelmed...

I went to my mailbox today, and while sifting through the junk and bills, I noticed that I had several pieces of personal mail. Upon further inspection, I noticed that there were three letters addressed to me that had been sent from Indianapolis. I recognized two out of the three return addresses, so I began with the one that was unfamiliar. The name on the envelope was Debbie Broughton, and enclosed I discovered a handwritten letter along with some pictures. At this point, I already knew I was probably in for some tears. It turns out that Debbie was one of Mom's best childhood friends, and she recently attended the funeral services for Uncle Rex. She wrote that she had waited and waited in line to see Mom, and then someone happened to tell her about Mom's illness and current state and she was obviously very upset and left. She went on to say that she had met Whitney and me at my grandparents' funeral services, and shared some personal anecdotes about her relationship with Mom. I cried the entire time I was reading her letter, particularly when Debbie mentioned the fact that Mom love all animals especially horses. She said that she, Mom and their friend Maricia used to have "cowgirl" times with their horses. I know I have spoken previously about Mom's love of animals, and for someone I don't even know to mention this in a brief letter just shows that this is something everyone remembers about her. Debbie also mentioned several times how beautiful and well-liked my mom was. I plan on writing a response very soon, and hopefully Whitney and I will be able to establish a relationship with a new person who can regale us with even more Donna stories.

The second letter I opened was from Pat Crafton, whom I mentioned briefly in the Uncle Rex post. She is the one who named her daughter Donna after my mother. Pat enclosed a letter and pictures as well. The letter went on to talk about what a dear friend Mom was, and how painful it is to think of her in her current state of illness. She filled me in on how their family is doing, and how well all of their children and grandchildren are doing. I very much enjoyed the pictures Pat enclosed, and there was such a variety. There were pictures of Donna Crafton when she was born and also the most recent one taken of her and Mom in 2001 (which I posted on my refrigerator). There was a picture of Mom from Triton Central's highschool prom, which I had never seen before. There was even a picture of my Mamaw and Papaw at their 50th wedding anniversary party. I plan to keep in touch with the Crafton family, and regret very much not having contacted them sooner.

The third piece of mail was from my Aunt Kathy, Uncle Rex's wife. She was the one who gave Debbie my address. Aunt Kathy just enclosed a brief note about wanting to come and visit Mom, and that she needed directions since Rex was the one who knew how to get down there. Now, I happen to know that my Aunt Kathy and Uncle Rex dealt with a lot of foolishness from my mom in the past. Mom was sometimes a little dramatic (see, I come by it honestly!), but Rex and Kathy never once complained or let it interfere with their relationship with Whitney and me. I respect them so much for that, and I cannot even imagine what she is dealing with right now. I look forward to seeing her when she comes to visit, and plan to visit the family in Indi when Whitney gets back to the States.

I consider myself so blessed to have people like these in my life. I can hardly believe that these random acts of kindness were directed towards Whitney and me in regard to our mom. Mom touched the lives of so many, and this is just more proof of how much everyone is impacted by her awful illness. It makes me infinitely happy and also deeply saddens me that my mom doesn't know that she has left this sort of impression on so many people. I don't know if she ever had a clue that she was so popular and so well-loved, but Whitney and I are both so lucky to be able to hear these stories and we will definitely treasure each and every one of them. I believe that even as hard as this is for me to deal with, these people and their stories will be enormously helpful in helping with the healing and coping process. Thank you to everyone...

Crazy Cat Ladies

The Three Stooges

My Blue Angel :)

So, I have sort of been saving this post for a special time because it is very near and dear to my own heart. As I have mentioned before, my sister is so much like Mom that everyone sees the similarities. But I feel that I have had to dig a little deeper sometimes to realize her likeness in myself. However, there are certain similarities that are ridiculously obvious, such as our shared love of cats, Siamese or "Meezers" in particular. Most of my friends already refer to me as the crazy cat lady because I have three little furballs of my own. I spent my childhood looking forward to visits to my mom's parents' house because I could spend the entire time with their cats! I was never allowed to have a cat because my dad despised them, so I had to live vicariously through other people's cat ownership. My Mamaw had two cats when I was young, and their names were Jess and Tonk. Jess was a chocolate point Siamese and Tonk was a Blue Russian mix. They were in love with each other, and I was in love with them. There actually used to be four cats, two were my mom's and two were Mamaw's. My mom had two Siamese cats, Jess and a blue point Siamese named Jay. Now, Jay was something of a legend. Mom used to talk about how he would eat food right out of her mouth because he was so pushy. He loved corn and mushrooms in particular. Mom used to have a large milk can and Jay had a stuffed frog that was kept in the can. He used to climb in there and actually fish it out, acrobat that he was! Uncle Rex used to say Jay hated him (and everyone but my mom and Papaw for that matter), except when he would be in the shower or getting dressed for work. Jay once fell into the shower and scratched up Rex's legs until he found his way out. When Rex had his work pants on, Jay would wind himself around his ankles and leave a hair trail all over his pants. Typical smart alec cat! Jess was somewhat more subdued, although my right thigh does bear a half-moon scar from where I picked her up and she scratched me trying to get free.

Now, those who know me well know that I have many similar stories with my own furry friends. Three days after moving out of my Dad's house for good, I went to the animal shelter and came home with my first cat, a lynx point Siamese named Bella. Then we decided to get a second, and went to the shelter about ten months later and found Cyrus, a chocolate point who looks just like Jess. My most recent, and maybe most special, is Blue Lou, my blue point. Other than missing one of his legs, he looks just like Jay, Mom's favorite baby. Lou is also a pushy little begger who tries to eat the food right out of my mouth! Every single time I look at him, I think of how Mom would have adored him. Blue points are hard to find, and when I saw him on Petfinder, I had to at least go meet him. I knew that having three cats would be a little much, but how could I not get a cat that looked just like Jay? Well, Lou has been a welcome addition to my family, and is probably the most well-behaved of the bunch. He is very affectionate, and he always has something to talk about (Meezers are very talkative, and they sound almost like human babies). Even though my family is complete, I still look at Siamese cats on Petfinder, and it breaks my heart to see these beautiful cats in the shelters. I love them so much, and lot of that is due to my mom's special love for them as well. It is particularly sad for me that Mom never got to meet any of my cats because I know how much she would have enjoyed them, but they will forever remind me of that piece of her.

I have to find pics of Mom's cats to put on here because I know I have them somewhere!

Ladies and Gentleman, START YOUR ENGINES!!!!

Indianapolis Motor Speedway

A.J. Foyt, Love of Mom's life!

Today marked the 100th running of the Indianapolis 500, and I am feeling more than a little nostalgic. The 500 is one of the only things that I remember my parents doing together, and they both instilled the love of racing in me. Mom's family is all from Indiana, so racing is a way of life there. We would go up for the weekend, and Whitney and I would go to Fairland with Mamaw and Papaw, and Mom and Dad would go to the race. Fairland was where my grandparents kept their trailor, and there were always a million fun things to do. We listened to the race on the radio, fished in the lake, and drove the golf cart like maniacs! Mom and Dad always talked about the fact that if it rained, they would try to run the race in the "window". I could not fully appreciate what this meant until I went for my second 500 race, and it poured and poured down rain for two days straight. Basically, if it rains and then stops, they try to run enough laps to constitute an entire race. They bring out the jet engine fans to dry the track, and do their best to find enough of a "window" of time between showers to finish the race! Most years, my parents would come home, Mom tanned to a dark brown, Dad fried like a piece of bacon :) In later years, my parents hosted Indy 500 parties at our house. Sherri and Gary would come down, and friends and neighbors would join the festivities. Everyone would put a dollar in the pot and pull a name of a driver out of a hat. Whoever ended up with the winning driver got the pot. The first year we did this, I pulled Roberto Guerrero, and he crashed on the warmup lap before the race even started! My mom's favorite driver was A.J. Foyt, and we had this huge cardboard cutout of him that we kept in the basement and brought up for parties. He has a grandson, A.J. Foyt IV, and I always secretly cheer for him on behalf of Mom. I definitely inherited my parents' love for the sport, both actually going to the race or even watching on TV. My dad just made it home from Australia, has been up for 40 straight hours, and still watched the entire race today! I don't know that there is anything in the world that reminds me more of my parents together except maybe houseboat trips. My mom was girlie in some ways, but in a lot of ways, she was ever the tomboy. She loved racing along with all other sports, and there wasn't really anything she wouldn't watch. I think this is why Whitney and I are like the sons my dad never had!

Zoo Zoo Zoo!

So I had the pleasure this past Thursday of joining Maria and my godson Brian to see the Zoo Babies at the Cincinnati Zoo. It was amazing to see the animals with an eleven month old. It seemed like the bearcat was his favorite, but I KNOW that's because we didn't make it to the cathouse to see the wildcat! :) But speaking of the cathouse, one of my most vivid zoo memories was when my mom chaperoned a school field trip when I was about eight. Now, everyone knows that both Mom and I LOVE cats, so we couldn't wait to get to the cathouse that day. We spent time looking at the smaller residents, before moving on to the larger cats. The Cincinnati Zoo has this huge jaguar habitat that has a tree and a jungle background, and there used to be a clouded leapard and a black jaguar that inhabited it. When we got to this spot, the black jaguar was pacing back and forth right by the glass. Of course, we all had our faces up against the glass to get a better view. All of a sudden, the black jaguar let out a fierce roar and lunged at the glass! He actually swiped the glass panel with his paws, and left scratches etched on the inside! I thought my mom was going to faint. She grabbed the group of us and hearded us toward the exit. As scared as she was that day though, she loved to tell that story. Every time someone mentioned the zoo, she would regale them with the tale of the jaguar attack. It was actually something that few people would ever get to see, and it was as if we got to see the wild side of the animal kingdom that day. That black jaguar died not too terribly long ago, and I admit there were a few tears. He reminded me so much of that day with my mother, and how awed she was by him and his little tantrum. That habitat is still there in the cathouse (the above picture is the black jaguar's old roomie), although there are different cats in there now. And everytime I walk past, I look to see the scratch marks, even though I know they are long gone...

Green Thumb?

I was in Indianapolis this past weekend for my Uncle Rex's funeral services, and of course there were many times people mentioned my mother. There was quite a broad range of comments made from family and friends, and I just wanted to share some of the most meaningful here. Most of the relatives that remain in the Lawrence family are Mom's cousins, and I had the opportunity to speak with several of them this weekend. Patty, affectionately known to most as "Zeke" and her daughter were telling me they remember how beautiful Mom was, with her long blond hair. They all talked about how funny she was, and they were all so devastated to hear about her current condition. I spoke with a good friend of her family and one of her former teachers, Pat Crafton, and she has a daughter named Donna, after my mother. What a compliment that was! Pat recalled how much my mother loved the Craftons' cats, and said she was not at all surprised that the apple didn't fall too far from the tree (i.e. I=Crazy Cat Lady :))



Perhaps the most intriguing comment came from my "Aunt" Sherri, though. She and I were discussing their gorgeous landscaping, and she mentioned that Mom had quite the green thumb and she was "SO good with plants". Now, I thought this was hilarious at the time, but thinking about it now, it is so true! We never had a houseplant casualty at any of the houses that I can remember. She had such a large number of plants in Williamstown that my cat thought it was a jungle, and we dubbed it "Vietnam". I remember Mom spending countless hours gardening at the old house, pulling weeds and planting annuals. Her azeleas were the envy of Edgwood, and the Magnolia tree in the front is something I would have loved to take with me to the new house. I loved to go help Mom pull weeds and put out the beetle catchers to capture the Japanese Beetles that threatened her beloved Japanese Maple Tree. I don't know how this green thumb detail escaped my attention when it seems so obvious now. Unfortunately though, this quality seems to have skipped a generation with me! Maybe I will buy Whitney a plant as a homecoming gift and see if she inherited the green thumb gene :)

I Want To Be Like Her

When I heard that Lauren was first going to start the "Donna Jean" blog, I was actually surprised we hadn't thought of it before now. I really wish I would have written more about my mom in a journal, on paper, or something so that I could go back and read it from time to time. I think the hardest part, personally, for me is that I never really saw my mom as much as I would have liked to growing up after the divorce. There were circumstances that delayed my visits with her and now looking back, I wish a lot of things would have been different for me. I know there is nothing I can do now and I try not to look back and regret things I should have done, but sometimes it is hard to do that when I miss her so very much.

The main time period where I spent the most time with my mom, that I can remember, was when she lived in Williamstown and I was probably in the 7th or 8th grade. I loved living on the lake and I would go there every chance I got so that I could visit with the horses, ride jet skis, and spend time with my mom. My memory is terrible as it is, but there are vivid things I remember about being there in that house with her. There are also things I can remember from when she lived in Lexington right around the time we started to see signs of her forgetfulness. Mostly sights, sounds, and feelings are what trigger the tears and sadness for me because I remember the little things that a mother does with her daughter that strengthen the bond between them. Being the baby in the family, I didn't really have to pull her arm to do things for me. The one thing that always comes to mind no matter where I am is when I used to make her lay with me until I fell asleep at night. I would make her tickle my arm with her long nails until I was out like a light. I always used to love cuddling with her because she always smelled so good and was warm. I used to put my cold feet under her body so that they would warm up before bed. We used to call it "the oven." Little things like that make me yearn for her touch again. My sister has been a God send through this whole situation by always being there for me, like a mother would. She is able to fill me in on the gaps about my mother's life when I can't really remember the details. There are things I wish I could remember about her.

Other things that I will always remember...her laugh, her beauty, her "country" persona, her terrible sailor's mouth (wonder where I get it from), her energy, and her loveable personality. There are so many things that I wish I could ask her...tell her....Being here in Australia has made me think about all these things I wish I could show her and tell her about because she wouldn't believe I was doing it. She never really got to hear about my high school and college experiences and now I wish I could tell her how much fun I have had as a teenager/adult. This is the hardest life stage to be in without a mother to share things with. I am so glad I have a supporting family that makes me feel like I haven't lost anyone. My dad, sister, extended family and step family have made this whole process a lot easier. Even though this is not an ideal situation for anyone, I love my life and how things have turned out. I will always reflect upon the good times and know that she is always with me no matter what, I am her clone of course. I hope to blog more soon! I love you all and thanks for taking time out to read this. <3

Brotherly Love

This day may mark the most shocking and difficult 24 hours of my life. Mom's brother Rex passed away very unexpectedly and suddenly yesterday. I haven't even fully processed what that means at this point. I have mentally prepared myself for things like grandparents passing, and even started the journey to letting Mom go, but this is not the way things were supposed to happen. Mom was not supposed to outlive her younger brother. They should have both grown old and shared stories of their childhood memories and given each other hard times in their golden years. The blessing here is that neither has to realize the other's passing. Mom will never know what happened, and Rex will not have to deal with the inevitable end to Mom's awful ordeal. Thank God he didn't suffer the way that she has, and I know that he will never suffer another second where he is now...

Even through my tears, I am reminded of more light-hearted times with Rex. Now, Rex and Mom shared a rocky relationship at time, but when it came down to it, there is nothing they wouldn't have done for each other. And there were certain things they particularly enjoyed when they were together. Mom thought Rex was hilarious (nobody could argue with that), and she especially loved the joke about cripple and the hairlip brothers. I have never seen my mom laugh so hard in her life, and Rex could hardly get to the end before they were both rolling with laughter. Of course, Rex teased Mom relentlessly for things like being a "blonde" and how loudly she laughed, especially around Sherri! I remember countless nights of begging to play euchre, and knowing that really the game was between my mom and Rex. I know that there a lot of things Rex and Mom didn't agree on, but I honestly can't remember any times when they didn't appreciate each other's company completely.

Another thing that I have been thinking a lot about and something Rex and Mom shared was a love of cats. Here was this man who may have appeared scary to some people who didn't know him who inherited his mother's love for felines! I remember him telling stories of my mom's evil cat Jay that didn't like anyone, and Rex was no exception. However, Jay did seem to love him on two occasions: when he was in the shower and when he was ready for work. Rex once told me that Jay loved to sit on the side of the tub while he was taking a shower. Well, Jay happened to get unlucky once, and he fell in! Rex said Jay scratched him up one leg and down the other trying to get out of there fast enough! Sounds like my Bella cat who likes to lick the shower curtain during showers. Rex also said Jay loved to rub up against his ankles when he had just put on his dress pants for work. Isn't that just like a cat? But the one cat closest to Rex's heart was the invincible Charlie. That cat used nine lives and then some, and he always love Rex the most. That was Rex's baby, and the cat even slept next to him. I really regret the fact that Rex never met my Siamese babies, because I know that he would have loved them. I think he would have appreciated the similarities between my blue point, Blue Lou, and Jay, but also the differences. Cats were one thing I know Rex loved talking to me about because it was a common love of his, mine and Mom's.

Now as much as they actually did have in common (not like you could have ever told either one of them that), there were distinct differences. Unlike Mom, Rex was one of those people that seemed extraordinarily intimidating until you got to know him (and even then sometimes, which Mom loved to beat him up over!) But underneath that exterior was a heart that was ten times normal size. It seems that the "Mutant Lawrence Gene" was good for not only making us all a bit uh, difficult to get along with, but also made our family members unique in some beautiful ways. Rex, Mom, and even Mamaw and Papaw never knew any strangers, and they would have given anybody the shirt off their own back if that if someone needed it more than they did. They touched so many people's lives, and nobody will ever forget the generosity and the value that Rex added to each person lucky enough to have known him. He was my godfather and no matter how infrequently I saw him because of the travel factor, he always sent me a birthday card and Christmas card every single year. In fact, the very last thing I got was just last week on my birthday which simply said "We don't see you often but we love you always". This is how I will always remember the bear of a man that I am lucky enough to have known as Uncle Rex...

Mom Made Over

I am sure that by now everyone has also been following Whit's Australian Adventure blog. Over the last couple of years, Whitney has had quite the life, jetting off to Jamaica, Australia, and New Zealand all in the name of "school"! Normally, I would be the one taking the credit for "raising her right" and the fact that she is turning into this incredibly independent and amazing young woman. But the more I see, the more I am reminded of Mom. Sometimes, it's just a mannerism and sometimes it's a picture. I just know that every single day, she gets to be more like the parts of our mom that I would love to hold onto forever.

Our mom never knew a stranger in her life. She would walk up to a random person in a store, and give them a compliment and strike up a conversation. I remember when she would go to AA meetings in Over the Rhine, because she "liked the people there", even though Dad expressed his concerns over this on multiple occasions. But Mom never got scared in any situation (maybe she should have been sometimes), because she had this confidence about her and the belief that every person deserved a chance. Whitney has this same confidence and is ever the social butterfly. As everyone knows, she was never a shy child, and I think most of my childhood friends came over to see her more than me! Whitney has Mom's ability to draw people to her and make them her friends. I think it takes a special kind of person to move all the way to the coast, away from family and friends to pursue her dreams. Furthermore, the adventures she has experienced are definitely intimidating to most, but Whit takes everything in stride. A part of me envys both our mom Whitney for always being who they want to be, even if that wasn't popular or the social norm.

Mom would have been so jealous that Whitney spends so much time at the beach! She quite the sun goddess herself, and was never more at home that laying out in the sun by the pool or the ocean. Even when Mom got sick, her caretaker Tammy took her to the beach in Florida. Tammy said that when Mom felt the sand under her feet, she took off for the ocean! I am sure this surprises none of us! This love for all things sun and sand seems to be biologically imprinted on Whitney's DNA as well. With a major of marine science, she has developed related passions for scubadiving and marine research. Whitney is a free spirit, just like Mom, and she goes where life takes her.

Of course, in addition to all of the amazing internal qualities, Whitney shares our mom's physical beauty and grace. Sometimes, I look at Whitney as all I can see is Mom. From the easy smile to the sparkling (and sometimes mischievous) eyes, Whitney is Mom made over. Mom had model good looks, with her blond hair and tanned skin, and people definitely took notice when she walked into a room. Whitney has that something that make you take notice, and everyone wants to be her, be with her, or be her friend. But what a rarity to find two such beautiful women that have brains and opinions and tons of personality!

I know Whitney doesn't remember that much about the good times with Mom, and I just wanted her to know that there were a lot of amazing qualities about her that everyone loved. There was this light inside her that touched every single person she met, and Whitney has that too. I know that I am a lot like my mom in a lot of ways, too. But I think I will save that for a later time.

You Ain't Nothin' But a Houndog!

As my little "sighthound" kept me awake last night jumping at every noise and walking around on my bed trying to settle in, I thought I would dedicate this post to the "cunning and manipulative" hounds that stole my mom's heart... Anyone who has known my mom for the last decade or so knows that my mom had three furry, four-legged children that I think she loved as much as Whitney and me! Cannon, Hilda and Q were the greyhound loves of Mom's life, and they brought her so much joy over the years they were with her. Mom had talked about adopting a greyhound for as long as I can remember. But it was still a shock when she showed up at Dad's to pick me up to go to Lexington, and from the back seat lumbers a gentle brindle giant! It was love at first sight, and I don't think I had ever seen my mom look happier. And the light in her eyes still shone when Cannon walked into my dad's house and promptly peed on the wall!

Over the next couple of years, she adopted two more hounds, Hilde the timed and Q idiot king. Don't get me wrong, Q was the great love of MY life, but he was, in my mom's words, "dumber than a box of rocks"! Even though Cannon was always my mom's baby, "Big" or "Kiki" as she often called him, I think Hilde came in a close second. She was adorable, and she had those eyes that made it impossible to be mad at her. I can still hear my mom in her high pitched "dog" voice saying "Oh, you little Baby Heel. She just a Baby Heel, and she just a Baby Heel". Hmmm...I AM turning into my mother! And oh, how I loved to make them howl! You could get Cannon going, and the others picked right up, and Mom and I would be laughing so hard we were crying! Q and Hilde quickly learned that the bed was the only place fit for them to sleep, and Cannon always slept loyally by my mom's side on the floor. They made me feel safe when I watched the house while Mom was out of town. But Mom could never be gone too long because she always had to go home and "take care of the dogs", which drove a lot of people crazy! But they were her life, especially when she lived in Williamstown. When Mom finally joined the 21st Century and got email, her email and screenname were DJ3hounds. The hounds were her friends, her family, her confidantes, her entertainment and her protection. They were spoiled incessantly, and rightly so after the awful lives they endured at the track. I am just greatful that Mom never had to see them deteriorate because of her own health concerns, so hopefully she will always remember them as they were back then. And I know that she would have fallen hard for my little Ruby, because she is a perfect mix of all three of the original pack. So here's to the hounds that made my mom's last few good years ones filled with wet noses, muddy paws and incredible companionship.

A Passion for Horses

My visit to Keeneland this past Saturday finally pushed me to start this thing tonight. I found myself missing Mom more than usual, and I spent most of my time at the track thinking of her, and how much I felt her presence there. I have been wanting to write all of the things that I remember about her before I start to forget them. This seems like as good a time as any to begin what I know will be an extraordinarily difficult, but ulitmately (hopefully) healing journey down memory lane.



As I am sure all of you are aware that Mom loved nothing more on this earth than horses. She loved riding them, caring for them, and just being around them in general. She had horses when she was younger, and this is how she ended up with a huge ugly scar on her foot. Mom, being the country girl that she was, was riding her horse with inappropriate shoes and almost cut her foot off while riding past the mailbox! She always said that since she was in shock, that it didn't really hurt or even bleed that much. I think that time probably numbed the memory :) It's funny...I remember asking her to tell the story again and again, even though I knew every detail backwards and forwards. I just enjoyed hearing her tell the tale.



My favorite Donna Jean horse story was the poison ivy leaves. Mom and her friends found some leaves in the woods, and decided they would write the names of their horses with the leaves on their arms. Mom, knowing full well that she was not allergic to the poison ivy, had no problem going through with the plan. Her friend, however, awoke the next day to find "Lucky" in an itchy red rash on her arm! What a great friend she was!



While at Keeneland on Saturday, Dad told me that he and Mom went to Hialeah, Florida to go to the race track there. I don't think I ever knew that. It is a rare and special occasion for Dad to share such Mom tidbits, and I was more greatful than he will ever know for this little gem. I spent at least an hour out front by myself, watching the horses walk through the paddock area. I don't know if I have ever felt my mom stronger anywhere else in my life. I could not care less about the drinking and the gambling that goes on at the track, all I care about are the horses. Seeing their gorgeous manes and muscular physiques, I can't imagine anyone not loving them the way that my mom did. I am so fortunate to share this passion to some extent, and I felt that we were having a mother/daughter moment, even if she wasn't physically there. I will never forget the first time I ever went to Keeneland, because of course she was the one that took Whitney and me. We got dressed up and the weather was beautiful. I had never seen anything like it, with all of the horses and the people looking like they just stepped out of the pages of fashion magazines. Mom looked like she belonged there, and looking back, of course she did.



One final horse story before I go. While I was visiting "Aunt Sherri and Aunt Gary" in Indianapolis, Sherri told me about a trip she and my mom made to Keeneland. She said that the Mexican workers from the stables asked if they wanted to go to the barns and see the horses. Now, do you think Mom even hesitated for one moment? Exactly. So she and Sherri hopped in the car with these strange men who spoke NO English and headed out. Sherri said she couldn't believe that they did that, nobody would have known what happened to them, and those guys could have been saying anything, and they wouldn't have even known! But they went and Mom got to spend time with the creatures she loved the most. She never knew a stranger, and of course, if there were horses involved, who cared? I have so much to tell, and I am sure I will post again very soon, since I have found this extremely cathartic. Until next time...